Happy Mom’s Day – A tribute to my mom, Maxine Morarie!

It’s Mother’s Day this coming Sunday in the U.S., you see, so I wanted to write a few thoughts down to honor my mom, an extraordinary woman and wonderful mother to me (ok, it’s a long one, so grab a cup of coffee).

My mom – Maxine Morarie – mother to six children.  I am #5.

My mom gave birth to me in the city of Cochabamba, Bolivia.  Mom was 18 and Dad was 23 when they left their home in the United States to be missionaries in the country of Bolivia.  Over the years all six of us Morarie kids [3 boys and 3 girls – Howie, Nancy, Mike, Mark, Me and Tricia] were born in Bolivia.  Here are some old pics of the family as we grew over the years:

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The first picture shows me as a baby with my older siblings – Howard, Nancy, Mark and Mike; the second I was in elementary school and Howie and Nancy lived in the US by then; the last one I am in high school, all my older siblings lived in the US and it was just Tricia Lee and I at home.

Over the years in Bolivia in the earlier days we never had television and my mom kept us very entertained through the wonderful world of imagination from many books.  She is still the best “out loud” reader of stories ever.  I can still hear her dramatic rendition of “Rikki Tiki Tavi”.  I remember sitting on the edge of my seat as she read us the story.

My mom also sang all kinds of songs to me growing up. Some that my Grandma Clara and Grandpa Meardith sang to her, she passed along, and I’ve passed along to my girls and now am singing to my granddaughter Clara. Songs like:

In my mind there was nothing my mom could not do.  I’m sure this frustrated her to some extent as I happily volunteered her for all kinds of things over the years.  One time our student council decided to have an ice-cream social.  “My mom will make ALL the toppings!” I happily announced in one of our meetings.  Well…she did, for the ENTIRE student body.  I’ll never forget the enormous amount of chocolate sauce, pineapple sauce and other toppings she sent for this event.  Later she let me know just how “fun” that little stint was for her.

She also tried to teach me to cook and sew.  Unfortunately I have this propensity to always think I possibly might be able to do things even better without directions…so, I would “half listen” to her instruction and therefore many of my projects were only half right! J  I remember the baby blanket I was learning to crotchet turning into a king size afghan. I remember watching the whipping cream turn to butter – apparently you need to turn the beaters off once the white stiff peaks form.  I remember my Mom sweetly wearing very interesting dresses that I made which I would have sewn very “creatively” – somehow they didn’t look quite right, but to show her pride and love she would wear them anyway.  I also remember the sewing project my friend Alison Murrin and I had one summer to make halter top dresses.  Now remember, we are both missionary kids growing up in a very conservative environment, but somehow we thought by making this a sewing project so our moms could really teach us how to sew that they would say, “Of course you can wear these halter top dresses with pride, you made them after all!”  Well, they didn’t exactly say that.  We were allowed to wear them, but only over the top of t-shirts that our moms bought for us with our names on the back (classy) and then the dresses didn’t really look like halter dresses at all but just big blue aprons.  Oh well. I’m over it now…

My mom never seemed to ever raise her voice.  She probably would tell you she did, but I honestly can’t remember her ever doing so with me.  She was appropriately stern but I always knew she loved me.   We lived through many memories together – getting tear gassed while shopping for some material in the streets of Cochabamba, rushing to the doctor when I wasn’t breathing because I swallowed a sliver of bamboo from the cotton candy stick we bought at the zoo…she had to hold me down while the doctor grabbed some kind of tweezers and shoved them down my throat to remove the sliver.  She nursed me back to health after an episode with hepatitis one summer.  We read Little Women together that summer.  She found me a wonderful classical piano teacher and cheered me on as I learned, not letting me get away without practicing.  She was the one who would always come up with a great costume, a fun skit, amazing speeches, student council slogans, and so much more as things came up.  I remember my friends often would say, “Ask your mom, she’ll know and she’ll help us!”

She would make THE BEST fried chicken and cherry pie for my birthdays and would help organizing wonderful picnic and fishing trips for my birthday parties with my dad.

There is one thing you should know about my mom, however, those of you who know I am competitive (ok – VERY competitive) you need to know that it comes from my mom!  This is a woman who promised me a very prestigious award at the end of a series of Scrabble games.  I didn’t really know what the award would be, but just knowing it was something she created was enough for me and with a vengeance we battled back and forth through the Scrabble games and low and behold I WON!  Yes!  I was to get this wonderful, amazing, said award.  Hmmm.  It was a certificate that said: TO:  A Great GGP (Great Game Player) with some flowery rhetoric about being a gifted Scrabble Player. However, it was signed:  FROM:  A Greater GGP.  Hilarious.  Anyone who plays games with my mom knows there is no mercy.  You earn your right to win and endure the smack talk along the way.

She’s a practical joker and has been known to add string to pancake batter for unsuspecting souls to try to cut as they drool over a bite of a pancake.  She’s greased doorknobs, short sheeted poor tired folks, made cheese sandwiches with a bar of soap that resembled the color of cheddar cheese and oh, there’s more, but I’m probably already in trouble for listing these things. Suffice it to say she has a wonderful sense of humor and if you’re around her when she belly laughs – you will laugh too, it’s a contagious laugh that is often sprinkled into the conversations and encounters with my mom.

As I grew up and began to assert my own independence and desire to live my own life, she patiently watched me do so and gently intervened as needed but mostly just encouraged me, assuring me that I could do whatever I put my mind to doing.

I thought that after I came to Colorado that my adult life would be one with her absent as I anticipated she would be living overseas, still doing mission work there.  But, life plays out differently than we think [probably most of the time] and one of the sweetest blessings God has given me was that my mom ended up living only a few miles away from me for the better part of the past 2 decades and it has been wonderful!  She is a top notch grandma and great-grandma to my girls and Clara Ray.  She has a full life, but is always willing to be present with you.  I talk to her almost every day and I am reminded that this is a gift – one that I never dreamed we’d have.  I am grateful for each day we are able to chat as the years go by.

My mom is a woman of great faith.  She modeled and showed me what a life of following Jesus looks like.  Her life is filled with prayer and leaning on the arms of Jesus in all circumstances.  We’ve celebrated together, cried together, mourned together, argued together, walked wearily together, nursed each other through health issues, planned together…I am certainly one of the lucky ones.  One who is so thankful to have a mother who is 100% engaged in my life and cheers me on no matter how crazy I am.  I’m sure it’s been a challenge a time or two to be my mom – so, thanks, MOM, for being my mom in those times and thanks for the grace you’ve shown me over the years.  I love you and treasure our relationship.  May the Lord bless you tremendously and fill your heart with peace and joy this Mother’s Day.  I know you are human, we are all human, but honestly, if someday I can be the woman that you are – wow!  What a day that will be.

Happy Mother’s Day to the best mom ever!

P.S.  For those who know my mom and didn’t get to see the video we made for her 80th birthday last August, it’s a fun one:  https://vimeo.com/47962712

The discipline to choose…joy!

(Just a few random thoughts swirling in my head this morning….)

As I continue to grow older my hope would be that some might think I am also growing a little wiser – it may not always seem so, but I have learned a few things along the way.  As life brings twists and turns, I keep learning how to navigate through the unexpected. Sometimes the only way around something is to walk through it. Over the past few weeks there have been some moments of anxiety in my life.  While I wouldn’t say that I embrace these times and welcome them, I have come to see them as opportunities.  It is in stressful times that you can “put feet to your faith”.  In the mundane or even keel times, it’s easy to claim you have faith and say all the niceties about trusting God, choosing joy, remaining calm and responsive, not reactive; but, in the moments of anxiety or unknown, it’s much hard to implement the things you may have said in better times. However, without the “sticky times” in life, you never have opportunity to exercise your faith muscles and walk with intentionality, rooted in your faith!  There are examples all around us – the cold and dark days of winter seem endless, but spring does come.  The stormy skies are ominous, but the sun returns.  Sometimes in the “blech” of a situation, you need to just commit to a spirit of perseverance and choose despite all things to be joy-filled.  (Psalm 73:26 is a great reminder… “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”)  I am thankful that no circumstance, person, or otherwise can rob me of the joy God can give me – the supernatural peace and strength that is so evident and can lift my heart out of the muck.  Whoop!  Another life lesson over the years is that the muck doesn’t magically evaporate when you are at peace with God, it can, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that it will – but, you have the God-given energy, wisdom and hope to keep going, knowing that despite the outcome, you will be okay.  For now I look forward to the sun returning, the storm clouds retreating and more adventures ahead.  Life’s detours allow for new perspectives, reflection and a chance to reorient one’s mind on what is truly important and what truly are the essentials in life.  Getting that shift in perspective is the gift in the midst of the muck and then gives courage to know that with your priorities in the right place, knowing where your strength comes from, and being willing to be reshaped and flexible to adapt and move forward, your heart begins to see the beginnings of spring again.  Bonus when this coincides with the subtle and sweet real-life examples of the tulips, daffodils and other beauties beginning to sprout all around outside!

30 Years with my Valentine! Wow!

Dear Rob Kelly –

In honor of our first date on Valentines Day 30 years ago, I thought I’d jot down 30 reasons why I love you…

  1. You make me laugh – even when I’m mad at you, which then makes you think you’re off the hook, but really I am still made even though I laugh
  2. Despite anything we are going through, you always have incredible wisdom and can keep me calm
  3. We’ve shared the most incredible journey together and still really enjoy spending time together
  4. You are an AMAZING father and watching you with our girls makes me so thankful!
  5. You have excellent taste in music, even though I actually may discover new artists before you but let you think you’ve introduced them to me
  6. You are quirky sometimes – like not being able to survive (seriously a breakdown might happen) if you don’t have your chapstick with you at all times
  7. You have always made me feel like the most special girl in the world to you
  8. I LOVE your sense of humor and sarcasm – in another life I know you would have made a hysterical comedic writer or host for talk shows or SNL…I watch the various hosts or skits and always think, Rob would have done better!
  9. You are a romantic at heart and spoil me with the most incredible and thoughtful dates and getaways
  10. You are the perfect traveling companion and have the perfect sense of adventure and a desire to completely chill – we’ve seen a lot of places together!  All over the US, Thailand, Brasil, Bolivia, Mexico, Maui…here’s to many more travel adventures ahead of us!
  11. I love your heart for others and the way you pour into their lives
  12. I love your desire to stay healthy and fit
  13. You love shoes even more than I do
  14. I don’t ever need a calculator when you’re around because you are so good at math
  15. You are completely smitten by our granddaughter and watching you with her melts my heart
  16. You know when to draw the line and make me rest and be still
  17. Your passion for sports and racing – even though I don’t understand it, I love that you know literally everything about every sport and all the statistics since the beginning of time for that sport
  18. You can walk into a room and my heart still skips a beat as I think, “Hey, that good looking guy over there is MY husband!”
  19. Your predictable choices at restaurants.  Once you find something you like – there is no getting you to try other things.  I am always tempted to try something new and then I end up not liking it and am jealous of your intentional choice of the same thing you always get
  20. You put up with my over the top love of Christmas and are willing to spend hours dragging out all the umpteen thousands of decorations we’ve collected each year even though you’d be fine with (gasp) no decorations up anywhere
  21. You are one of the best leaders I know and are well respected by those you lead.  You are fair, expect a lot from people, but always will go to bat for them and provide them the resources they need to be the best they can be.
  22. I love that you are humble and don’t even realize how much you impact others
  23. I love that you are actually more competitive than I am
  24. You have the best memory of anyone I know
  25. I love that you never think you get mad but I always know when you are :)
  26. You read and study to remain as informed as you can about all the subjects important to you – be it sermon prep or learning more about certain people or events in history…and let it be known that all this studying is through non-fiction reads because you shudder to think of reading a fiction book – I do enough of that for both of us.  Whatever is happening, it won’t be long before you have a ton of interesting information about the subject due to your diligent and very stellar research about that subject!
  27. You are much better at doing laundry than I am – I love that it makes a chill run up your spine (not a good chill) to know I might be doing the laundry and ruining one of your shirts that are not meant to be slammed into the washer with a bunch of towels or jeans
  28. You always hold my hand when we walk together
  29. You don’t really understand why a girl would love fresh flowers or jewelry, but you still choose to give them to me occasionally
  30. And most of all I love you because YOU chose to ask ME out on a date 30 years ago on Valentines and we’ve been sweethearts ever since!

Happy 30th Valentines Day to you, Rob! Thankful we will be sweethearts for the rest of our lives!

Like you thought?

So…in speaking with several people answering the question, Did your life turn out like you thought it would? I was prompted to reflect on my own life.  It seems this is the time of year that soon to be graduating seniors get grilled for “what’s next?”  Magically they are supposed to know the answer.  For some reason folks think that when you graduate from high school there is a neatly packaged road map for life that you follow.  Nope.  Not sure what the stats would say, but I would be that the majority of people would tell you that their lives are far different from what they ever dreamed.  For some life is better, others not so much.  On Facebook recently there’s been a little wave of “what I did when I was (X) age” and “what I am doing now” type of posts.  They have revealed what I assume is more true of most…life has definitely unfolded differently than was expected.

For me…I was definitely going to marry later in life.  Planned to finish school, go to college, then travel the world with my good friend Brenda and teach English in faraway exotic places.  We would talk about this plan (actually she did follow this plan for a while!) and I would be so excited to think of the places I would go and the people I would meet. Hmmm.  So, at age 15, when I returned from Bolivia and met this red-headed guy in youth group who I thought was a little over the top goofing around with his buddies, I had no idea that sparks would fly and at 16 we’d start dating, at 18 I would marry him and about the age I would have graduated from college I would be mom to 3 beautiful little girls!  Yep, life definitely unfolded differently than I had planned!

Next chapter, new plan.  I loved the way life unfolded.  In the next chapter I decided I would remain a stay-at-home mom forever.  It was the best.  Hard work, but I was totally in, trying to create the best environment my girls could ask for in which to grow and thrive.  I completely failed sometimes and despite myself succeeded in other areas – and to date, it appears my girls are actually self-sufficient functioning adults!  Whew!  Well, somehow life unfolded differently once again.  Despite thoughts of never working outside the home, it soon became apparent that some of our goals would be accomplished much quicker if I was able to contribute and so I sought the best of both worlds…working in a school with the same hours my girls were in school and being off on days they were off!  It was a great season and I was able to be very involved in their classrooms and advocate for them with their teachers.  We were fortunate to have some wonderful teachers along the way and to this day I’m grateful for their impact in the lives of my girls.

Well.  Enter another unexpected detour of sorts…despite my saying, “Nope, don’t need it.” in response to pursuing my college degree, I decided to enroll at Regis University to finish my undergrad.  Over about five years little by little, once a week, from 6 – 10 pm, rotating through every campus Regis has up and down the front range, year round, I would chip away at my degree until the amazing day when a Hallmark moment happened on the cuad on Regis’ campus…me running into my husbands congratulatory embrace, thankful for the hard work paying off with my degree (or at least the cool display cover – until the real one came in the mail) in hand! Whoop!  But even in that little chapter, things kept changing.  I began my degree journey with the intention of being a teacher and ended up moving into a Liberal Arts degree.  And in the middle of that time I changed jobs from the school district to a non-profit organization where I spent about 8 years learning so many things about business – marketing, fundraising, strategic planning.  It’s really where I felt like  I grew up in the business world. It appeared then that I’d found a home where I would work for years to come, respectfully retire someday and there you have it.

Nope – life unfolded.  I found myself moving to another non-profit for a few years and finally ended up where I am today, working back on campus at Regis University and I love my job as Associate Director of Service Learning.  So many opportunities to learn and grow and many wonderful people to work with. In the midst of this chapter I’ve gained to son-in-loves and a grand-daughter that I absolutely adore.  Never dreamed all of this would unfold in this way.

So…why does this matter?  Back to the beginning of this post.  To all those who have planned out your life.  Good job, but remain flexible in your spirit.  Life might happen differently. And differently can be amazing!  To think I would have missed all this if I’d stuck to “my plan” so long ago…wow!  And also, I am a firm believer that no opportunity is wasted.  So even in the midst of those times when you sit back with a hearty, “Hmmmmm!???” with a furrowed brow and a questioning heart  - know this, God is not surprised by any of the twists and turns your life plan takes.  In fact he’s orchestrated it along the way and the lessons and skills you learn always seem to come back in to play in the next chapter.  I love that!  So take a deep breath, be a good steward of having a plan, but know [as my husband is fond of reminding me]…”you work the plan, but then you revise it as needed!”

What about you?  Is your life turning out just like you thought? For me the journey continues and I have learned to celebrate the many twists and turns along the way as they have been the best teacher.  I remain a student of what’s to come. God has known all along (far better than I ever could have dreamed) what is best for me.

Anyone else puke when terrified?

Yep, that’s what I typically do.  I have learned over the years to control this, but generally, if I am completely startled into instant “terrification” (means terrified mode), my stomach responds with a hardy upchuck of whatever contents happen to be in the digestive mode at the time.  Just ask Rob – he learned this the hard way right after we were married.  

Back in 1985 just newly married, Rob decided it would be hilarious to scare me in the shower.  He pulled back the shower curtain and made some kind of “rawwwwr” noise to which I responded by collapsing into the fetal position and then grabbing for the toilet bowl to puke my guts out.  Not the response he was hoping for.  

Over the years there have been midnight phone calls or other things that have instantly terrified me and I’ve had the same response.  Now I immediately go into a “self soothing” mode of basically chanting over and over (mostly in my head but sometimes out loud) “Don’t throw up, don’t throw up…”  I can usually avoid the puking now and just start breathing deeply and try to stop shaking all over.

If you’ve ever worked in an office with me before, you know that if we meet around a corner without my knowledge that you are there I will typically respond with a resounding “Oh, you scared me!” accompanied by an enormous fright filled gasp.  Some mean people – I’m not naming names, but one is Greg Stier – have tried to make me puke by startling – actually made it a goal of his, how mean is that?  He never succeeded in seeing me puke but he sure did scare me a time or two!  I remember wandering around the office on a late working day saying under my breath “I know you’re there, Greg, I know you’re there!!!!” and still completely come unglued when he jumped out from behind a door.

This all came to mind recently because Rob tried to gently wake me up last night to let me know he had to go help someone late in the night and he didn’t want me to worry if I woke up and didn’t see him.  He tapped my shoulder and softly said, “Carol Ann”….but I was in such a deep sleep and it startled me awake and I ALMOST puked…had to really work the mind over matter soothing mantra – “Don’t throw up, Don’t throw up!”  

Anyone else do this?  Generate the not so pleasant puke response if you get startled?  Just curious. :)

(BTW – this is not an invitation to scare me needlessly just to try to get me to puke…)